Clearly Drunks Fly Virgin

I do not think I have flown with a carrier who has seen fit to warn passengers about the misuse of alcohol on board trans Atlantic flights but clearly Virgin Atlantic feel there is a need to do so.

In a post departure speech made by the senior flight attendant it was made very clear that her staff  would curtail the service of alcohol  to passengers who somewhat strangely Virgin call customers, if they felt they were consuming too much.

She stressed that such curtailment would be based on consumption rather than behaviour suggesting that you can be a lout  if you drink coca cola but even the merest hint of someone asking for a double brandy to numb the pain of a nine hour flight in the smallest seats known to mankind, would result in refusal.

OK so it's cold outside! So what?

I rather like the scrolling map that many airlines provide on TV screens for the use of their passengers.

I enjoy seeing the route we will take and hope that it may enable me to pinpoint spots on the Aetna surface.  Sometimes it does and I can see and identify a mountain range or an island.

I like being told our air speed and ETA at my disembarkation airport if only that it helps me plan a visit to the planes bathroom or permit me the luxury of hanging on for a little while longer.

It is all for the most part useful information generally well presented but why I wonder do they feel the need to tell me that outside the air temperature is minus 72 degrees Fahrenheit.

Do they think I might need to know its cold outside and, that in case I want a walk across the expanse of wing, I need to wrap up warmly?

Whatever happened to in flight meals?

Where is Dinner?


The two hour flight took off at 1900 hours from Gatwick to Pisa and dispute the fact that it arrived at 2200 local time when all self respecting restauranteurs have shut up shop and gone home to bed, British Airways served nothing more to eat than a tiny bag of mixed nuts.


Whatever happened to in flight meals?


Has flying become so cut throat that even the flag carriers have decided to cut back on the £1:50 they spent on a plastic tray of plastic food?


If they had but just warned us, we could have purchased a sandwich before boarding.


Britain Airways spend a lot of time and energy telling passengers they operate a non smoking flight (as if we did not already know it) but they never bother to tell you it's a non eating flight.


At least SleazyJet have the decency to offer a sandwich that, with the help of a mortgage and a sharp set of molars means you can survive thru until breakfast the next morning without having to resort to the gold plated packet of Pringles in the hotels's mini bar.

How Old is the Aircraft?

Ever stopped to wonder how old the air craft that you entrust your life to is?


Finding out can be pretty difficult because while airlines are happy to promote a large and modern fleet they are less inclined to admit to flying planes built before some of it's passengers were even born.


Boarding a recent flight to Pisa serviced by a Boeing 737-436 there is no plate by the door that passengers can inspect to see the vintage of the craft.


Judging by the condition of the seats and carpets the air craft we were flying had been subject to a series of in-air parties who had trashed it or it was showing the serious signs of ageing


Dark blue leather seats are cracked and the backs of them all damaged where fittings had been removed.  Pockets designed to hold inflight magazines were torn and spilled their contents onto the floor.


Don't even begin to wonder about the carpet but I suspect, having looked at it, that the catering department could well want to boil it up and make stock from it.  They could then use that to improve that disgusting sauce that is served by airlines to cover up the meat at meal times.

Ask the stewardess how old the plane is and they tactfully do not know.  Of course like all good stewardesses they offer to find out but when and if they do come back to tell you the answer is always gauge and erring on the implausible


So here's my suggestion.  Why not have a builders plaque riveted to the cabin bulkhead so passengers can see how old the plane actually is as they board.


What do you think?

Air Miles Are Worthless

Those of us who are frequent flyers would be well advised to check the status of whatever air miles they have accumulated - and spend them while they are still most useful.

Back in 2007 some bright spark at the Economist calculated that if all the air miles that had been issued were called in, the airlines would have to fly passengers continuously for free - for 25 years!

The usability of air miles has been going steadily downhill ever since - and the small print has been continuously fiddled with - more recently, big time.


New restrictions will apply from December 15, this year and as a result, air miles are going to be worth a lot less in the future than they are now.

The attached warning/explanation written by Merryn Somerset Webb appeared in last week's MoneyWeek.

To link directly with the MoneyWeek article, click here.

Who cannot put a seatbelt on?

I really do not know how many first time travellers there are on each airplane journey I take but I suspect the percentage of first timers is pretty low.

I am reminded of this every time the stewardess says those immortal words "the seat  belt is fastened, unfastened and adjusted like this."

You know what? I have never yet managed to put my seatbelt on while holding it above my head.

Car Hire and Driving in Turkey

Turkey is a single country almost the size of Europe and within it it has a great many Car Hire facilities yet I wonder why does it only have one map?

On a single sheet of paper the road network of the entire nation is spread out before you.

Totally useless when you want to find your way in the late evening from Daliman International airport to Gocek a distance of just some 20 minutes duration.

Road signs would help but hey: this is Turkey and anyway the locals know where Gocek is in relation to the airport.

So instead you resort to the Tom Tom or Garmin in car satellite naviagtion system which you cleverly remembered to bring with you.

You gloat at have spent the extra money at purchase when you coughed up for world maps and you set off.

The familiar voice directs you clear of the airport and tells you to turn right.  Strange you think, why would this road be un-named and come to that rough surfaced?

You carry on and only have doubts when, in the pitch darkness, thousands of small lights waver in front of you.

No worries you assure yourselves, even the sheep need to get back to the airport from Gocek, this must be the right road.

The journey continues, you turn round and head back to town.  You ask a local and he insists you were on the right road so you retrace your steps and try again.

Nerves are jangling you do not know where you are, its dark and you are tired and hungry there is not a car in sight nor a road sign to guide you.

Then suddenly, there is Gocek right in front of you and there indeed is the hotel!  Isn't in-car GPS wonderful?

Who Could Not Visit the Kebab Hospital

Any Resturant that sets up shop in Turkey using the name Kebab Hospital has got to bear with the inquisitive who just have to come in to see what it is they do to the humble kebab.

For those who venture into the street-side eatery in Gocek, the rewards are great.


For instead of treating patients, it is those who dine there who are treated!

The small kitchen is open fronted and surround on three sides by glass and it is clear they have nothing to hide.  Good honest fare served simply without fuss or bother on plastic table cloth covered tables and plastic chairs.

Ice cold Efes beer at 5 scoobies for a big glass full makes this place cheap and affordable and tremendous value for money.

Is this the most expensive international airport ever?

Passing through Istanbul we changed flights leaving the International and moving to the Domestic terminal. With an hour to spare until our connection we chose to have a beer apiece and share a bag of crisps.

Unbelievably two local draught beers and the crisps came to US$ 17

I have been to some expensive resorts and extortionist night clubs where drinks can be pricey but in a snack bar at the airport I think this is pretty outrageous

I am wondering, is this the most expensive airport beer?

Have you experienced higher prices?

Do let me know

Bored now

I have long wondered how many people pay attention while the stewardess drones her way through the pre departure safety script.

We have all heard it before, none of us is in any doubt that in the event of an emergency masks like these will drop down in front of you and everyone knows that when the you know what hits the fan it's everyone for themselves.

It is not just because of the extra leg room that I ask for the emergency exit seats.

I do so because when, and if it happens, I want out first because everyone else will panic.

They will do so because they have not listened to the safety brief.

They have not listened to the safety brief because it is boring and never changes.

So hats off to Turkish Airlines who have injected a little humour into their safety briefing films.

It does make them watchable and memorable for the first five or six flights you make with them, but know having watched them for six months or so I find I am just as bored by their same old jokes.

Why not have a different script each time you fly?

Where would we be

It is easy to get lost in unfamiliar airports with signage in languages unfamiliar to the traveller but generally speaking I am on safe ground when I board the airplane.

Seats A and B are always on the right as you head towards the tail and it's a good bet that if your seats are are a letter greater than G you need the aisle on the other side of the plane.

True, some aircraft have two alleyways and some have one but all in all it's pretty difficult to get lost.

So tell me what is the point of the stewardess taking your boarding card, Squinting at it and passing it back telling you what seat you are in or which side of the plane you are on.

Do they think we cannot read?